Twenty years later

I just recently attended my 20 year high school reunion. We had a nice time and it was wonderful to see everyone. I think back to 20 years ago and remember the dreams, the heartaches and the many things that would lie ahead of me. I also think/thought the following things:

I'm not sorry that I didn't tell the right people what happened to me that night during the summer between my Jr. and Sr. year. I told one person and he's kept my secret for 21 years. In those 21 years, I've managed to tell maybe 5 people total. I realize that while it might not have been the right thing to do, it's taught me to teach my son that when a girl says no, no matter how unconvincing it may be, no still means no. It's taught ME to teach him to respect a girl and her principles.

I'm not sorry that my boyfriend the last part of my senior year in high school and part of college dumped me for that really popular girl he met in college. I learned that life could go on.

I am sorry that I quit college and never got my degree but promised my daddy that I WOULD get a degree at some point. And...I haven't but I will. I promised.

I'm not sorry that Philip M stood me up that summer night in June 1991. Otherwise, I might not ever have crossed paths with my current husband.

I'm not sorry that Jr. dumped me 2 years later so he could "sow his wild oats" because I learned how to be a stronger person. I also learned the fundamentals of football and now it's my favorite game in the world! :)

I'm not sorry that I took up for my best friend when others were trying to take her down. She's been the best friend anyone could ask for and my world would be so dark if she weren't in it.

I'm not sorry that after HS I became closer friends with some of my HS friends. Extending the olive branch and just making the effort to stay in touch has brought friends into my life that are irreplaceable and such a wonderful gift.

I'm not sorry that I married my ex-husband. Our divorce taught me to be a stronger person, a better wife, a better friend, a better detective and humility.

I'm not sorry that I told my daddy every single day that I loved him and that he died knowing how I felt.

I'm not sorry that my parents instilled such a strong work ethic in me. I realize now more than ever how far that will take you in life and how awful it is for other people when you don't pull your own load.

I'm not sorry that I couldn't have a child sooner. While I was angry at God for a long time, I realize he gave me a child when I was truly ready and at a time when life would be upside down and inside out. Without my son, I surely would have done something that would have been regretted and hurt people that didn't need to be hurt anymore.

I'm not sorry that I have to go to therapy at least once a month. I've learned that it's normal to feel this way and that it's healthy to have doubts about so many things in life.

Until next time...