Gosh I've missed you all. Work has been SOOOOO incredibly busy. I can't even begin to tell you about it in one post. I will say that I'm vowing right here, right now to post AT MINIMUM once a week from here on out. I realize that I need to do it for me. I need to do it whether anyone reads this blog or not. I need to do it so I can begin to FEEL again.
I've missed you internet. ****SMACK***** a big ole kiss on your forehead!!!!
Jules
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Friday, June 05, 2009
Back and better than ever!!!
So not true but what the hell. I know you, my peeps, have given up on me actually "maintaining" this blog. I could go through a long list of the reasons I haven't updated in a while but why keep making excuses? The biggest reason is because I'm addicted to Facebook and every single moment of my spare time (which is less and less these days) is spent there. Besides, life's been pretty boring and I hate bogging down my blog with my manic depressive thoughts.
I will tell you that I'm once again in a very dark place. Let's face it, you all know me well enough to know that I've lived in a dimly lit world, at least mostly dim, for a long time. But now it's completely dark. I feel like if you could view a window to my soul you'd see it rocking back and forth on the cold linoleum floor of life, a totally unfurnished dirty room, legs crossed in the "Indian position", twirling a piece of my hair with one hand, making letters on the floor with the other as if the floor were sand, all while humming "Rock-a-bye-baby." Seriously, it's getting the better of me.
For those that wonder, I'm still in therapy. Thankfully it may be the one constant in my life that has helped more than anything. While I can't get into specifics at this time regarding the source of my depression I will tell you that it's got nothing to do with the physical death of someone. It's more about a "loss" in broader terms.
But I promise that very soon, I will post with more regularity and more upbeat posts and tell you all the gory details of this thing called life.
Until then my hons, much love!
Jules
I will tell you that I'm once again in a very dark place. Let's face it, you all know me well enough to know that I've lived in a dimly lit world, at least mostly dim, for a long time. But now it's completely dark. I feel like if you could view a window to my soul you'd see it rocking back and forth on the cold linoleum floor of life, a totally unfurnished dirty room, legs crossed in the "Indian position", twirling a piece of my hair with one hand, making letters on the floor with the other as if the floor were sand, all while humming "Rock-a-bye-baby." Seriously, it's getting the better of me.
For those that wonder, I'm still in therapy. Thankfully it may be the one constant in my life that has helped more than anything. While I can't get into specifics at this time regarding the source of my depression I will tell you that it's got nothing to do with the physical death of someone. It's more about a "loss" in broader terms.
But I promise that very soon, I will post with more regularity and more upbeat posts and tell you all the gory details of this thing called life.
Until then my hons, much love!
Jules
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Trying to keep my promises
Seriously, I'm trying to do better about posting. I realize I'm flunking this blog test though!lol But it's hard, my friends! Work is kinda sucky right now. Things with our administration our changing and come July 1, I'm getting a new boss. That kinda scares me because I have a good rapport (and it just took me a total of 15 minutes to find the proper spelling of that word. Thank GOD for Google!) and I just don't adapt well to change. The person we've heard rumored to be getting the job is someone that lacks not only academic experience but doesn't even have a Ph.D. and quite frankly that means that *I* will be the one dealing with the serious academic issues and honestly, I don't need that kind of pressure in my life.
BUT, I am happy that I have job. Right now there are so many people in the US who don't. So I'm not complaining about that.
The scuttlebutt around campus is that we may be OFF work during the week of spring break. In the past, there are no classes but administrative office are always open. So we are hearing that in an effort to cut down on energy costs of the University that they are going to let us close. This has yet to be confirmed by anyone with any authority but I sure hope it's true. We'll be paid just like we are for holidays and it won't come from our vacation time. So this is easy money. I say, bring it on!!!!
This is one of my new favorite websites (in case I haven't shared it before and I'm too damn lazy to look back and see) http://psychoticlettersfrommen.blogspot.com/ When you have time to read and nothing better to do, it's a great way to kill an hour or so. They post new letters a couple of times a week. Positive proof that there are crazy ass people out there. I think I actually dated at least one of those poor guys. It's a spin off of Why Women Hate Men http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/ (this is not a child friendly or WORK FRIENDLY site) which is real ads that men put on dating sites. The ads themselves are sad and often disgusting but it's the commentary that is provided by the blogger that makes it so funny. To catch up that blog you'll need a few hours. But it's well worth it if you have nothing better to do. I said it's not work friendly but if you are in an office where there's not a lot of traffic or perhaps your boss won't walk up behind you while you've got it pulled up, then go for it. Some of them make me laugh so hard I pee my pants. Which I'm sure is way more information than you all needed?
Ok I MUST do some work before I'm given a permanent vacation!
Peace out!
Jules
BUT, I am happy that I have job. Right now there are so many people in the US who don't. So I'm not complaining about that.
The scuttlebutt around campus is that we may be OFF work during the week of spring break. In the past, there are no classes but administrative office are always open. So we are hearing that in an effort to cut down on energy costs of the University that they are going to let us close. This has yet to be confirmed by anyone with any authority but I sure hope it's true. We'll be paid just like we are for holidays and it won't come from our vacation time. So this is easy money. I say, bring it on!!!!
This is one of my new favorite websites (in case I haven't shared it before and I'm too damn lazy to look back and see) http://psychoticlettersfrommen.blogspot.com/ When you have time to read and nothing better to do, it's a great way to kill an hour or so. They post new letters a couple of times a week. Positive proof that there are crazy ass people out there. I think I actually dated at least one of those poor guys. It's a spin off of Why Women Hate Men http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/ (this is not a child friendly or WORK FRIENDLY site) which is real ads that men put on dating sites. The ads themselves are sad and often disgusting but it's the commentary that is provided by the blogger that makes it so funny. To catch up that blog you'll need a few hours. But it's well worth it if you have nothing better to do. I said it's not work friendly but if you are in an office where there's not a lot of traffic or perhaps your boss won't walk up behind you while you've got it pulled up, then go for it. Some of them make me laugh so hard I pee my pants. Which I'm sure is way more information than you all needed?
Ok I MUST do some work before I'm given a permanent vacation!
Peace out!
Jules
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Facebook Follow-up
So a friend of mine from HS also recently got a FB account. I won't get into the sordid details here but long story short, she's been having an affair with a guy from their church. She was apparently having a rather explicit conversation with him on FB just before leaving to run to the grocery store. Her husband got on the computer after she left to check his email and prepare his sermon (yep, you read that right) and noticed that her FB page was up and open. The chat window was still displayed. Needless to say, things haven't been so good for them in the last 24 hours or so. They have teenage daughters. The man she was having an affair with has one teenage son and another son that's pre-teen. It's sickening for me to think of these kids being tied up in all of this when we live in such a rural area.
So while I love FB and think it's a great tool for "reconnecting" with people from your past. I'm guessing she should have taken a little more precaution and not been chatting it up with her lover so casually. *sigh*
She never struck me as the type. I'm really really disappointed.
Peace!
So while I love FB and think it's a great tool for "reconnecting" with people from your past. I'm guessing she should have taken a little more precaution and not been chatting it up with her lover so casually. *sigh*
She never struck me as the type. I'm really really disappointed.
Peace!
Monday, February 09, 2009
Driving under the influence
I’ve already flunked my New Year’s resolution of posting here every single week. So this week, I might do two posts to try and make it up to you.
I can’t make this stuff about my life up. So today’s topic is “How I almost got arrested for DUI when I wasn’t under the influence”. So a week ago this past Thursday I had a blinding migraine. I had it when I woke up but it was manageable until it got almost time for me to go for the day. I can usually tell from the beginning when a headache is going to spiral out of control into a migraine and when it’s not. I knew that morning I was headed in the migraine direction and there really isn’t much you can do about it. So when I got home, I took all my night-time medications that I take for sleep, my fibromyalgia and depression. Those meds alone are enough to knock out a horse but it didn’t even make me the least bit sleepy and did nothing to help my headache. By 7:30 I was throwing up. So I took a 50 mg Demerol tablet and waited. More throwing up ensued so I broke out the 15 mg morphine pills that the dr. had given me in that “emergency case” when I was throwing up and yet, couldn’t really get to the drs. office for a shot. These tablets you can take by mouth but when you are throwing up it’s suggested you take them rectally because not only do they work faster, but you don’t have to worry about them coming back up. So I did that and waited. More throwing up, more insomnia, more waiting. This went on all night long. By 6 a.m. the headache was gone and so was the throwing up and I was finally hungry. Problem was, there was very little to eat at the house and I didn’t really feel like cooking anything. So I woke Jr. up and told him I was going to drive into town (a mere 5 miles) and get something and asked if he wanted anything. He did but he wanted something from the Shell station and not from the Texaco where I was going. He asked if I was ok to drive since I’d been awake all night and had medications that might “alter” my senses. I assured him I was fine and he turned on the light to physically look at me to see if what I was saying was true. He confirmed I seemed to be fine so off I went.
As I was going around our town square, I was *almost* passed the turn where he wanted breakfast so I made a quick and wide right turn to head east. Problem was, there was a city cop waiting to come up onto the square. He immediately blue lighted me and turned around following me to the shell station. He pulled around and sort of ahead of me and cut me off at the gas tanks not allowing me to fully pull up into the parking spot in front of the store. He asked me to step out of the car and wanted to know “how much have you had to drink?” I said “Excuse me, its 6:30 a.m., how much have I had to drink? Are you kidding? I haven’t had anything!” He basically called me a liar and asked me to remove my eye glass as he shined his very bright light into my eyes and then away and then back into my eyes. He said “Ma’am you are lying. You are on SOMETHING! Your pupils are not reacting properly to this light and you are slurring your speech. Do you realize you almost hit me when you made that wide right turn off the square?” So I explained that I coincidentally forgot where I was going and how I wanted breakfast from one place and jr. wanted breakfast from another blah blah blah” and “oh btw, I have been up all night with a migraine. Literally, up.all.night!” He said “Did you take anything, any type of ‘pills’ for this ‘migraine’?” “Well, as a matter of fact, I did!” I told him about the Demerol but sensing that I might be in deep shit, I left off the morphine dose. He said “Well I received a call from someone who was behind you on your way to town and they said you were driving very erratically AND as I was behind you just now, you were swerving!” Ok internet, this is a lie. First of all, there was no one behind me on my way to town and I only met ONE car and I WAS on the right side of the road. Second of all, I did not swerve while there was a policeman behind me. I will admit that perhaps my eyes were glassy and maybe my pupils were a little non-reactive because migraines make you absolutely zapped when they pass and I had been up all night, throwing up in a bucket. So I again told him about the throwing up and the Demerol but that the dose was a small one and not the first time I’d taken it and how if he’d call my dr. he’d see that it’s PRESCRIBED to me and how he treats me for this and insomnia on a regular basis. The man that owns the Shell station came out to see what all the fuss was about. He noted that I didn’t seem to be slurring my speech and told the officer that he knew for a fact I suffered from both conditions mentioned and that if it would make him feel better, he would drive me back home. But the officer was having none of it. So he asked to see my license. OMG wouldn’t you know that I’ve started carrying one of those skinny wallets and while searching for my keys before I left the house, I apparently took out said skinny wallet, from my purse and left it lying on the couch. So here I am, at the mercy of this police officer that I DO NOT KNOW (which is odd considering what a small town it is and how I know everyone) and not only does he think I’m under the influence, now I don’t even have my DL with me! So I gave him my DL number and he asked me who my husband was and for his phone number so he could call him to come and get me because “There’s no way I’m letting you drive ANYWHERE and can *I* not find SOMEONE to drive you home, you WILL be going to jail for DUI!” Oh fuck are you kidding me? Seriously? I said “this man right here has just offered to drive me home, is that not good enough?” “Nope” he said, very matter of factly! It will *have* to be a member of your immediate family!” Well I knew damn good and well Jr. wasn’t going to answer because he was in the bed asleep AND his cell phone was in the kitchen! So he tried to call and Jr. didn’t answer. So I gave him the number of my in-laws who I knew would be getting ready to take Cole to school. Luckily my mother in law knew I’d been up all night with a migraine (that’s why Cole was at her house) and so my father in law dropped her off at the Shell station on his way to take Cole to school. I did finally convince the officer to at least turn off his lights so that he didn’t scare Cole to death when they drove up. A lot of talk between Shell owner, the officer and myself continued. The officer insisted my speech was slurred. When mother in law showed up, the officer made me sit in the passenger side of my car not allowing me to speak to her at all before he had the chance. In the meantime I said “May I at least go in and get my breakfast?” He said it was fine. Of course, not having my wallet meant not having any money so I had to charge my breakfast. The officer must have been satisfied with the story of my MIL matching mine because he agreed to let me go and while he claimed I was “belligerent” and all he was going to let me off with a warning. I sneered and MIL thanked him rather profusely and we drove off into the distance. She also agreed, for what it was worth, that my speech was not slurred.
So there you have it internet, I’m 38 years old and used to drink a lot in my teenage and early 20 years. But the one and only time I’m pulled over by the police for “DUI” is perhaps one of the few times I wasn’t!!!
You can’t make this shit up! You really really can’t!
Peace Peeps!
I can’t make this stuff about my life up. So today’s topic is “How I almost got arrested for DUI when I wasn’t under the influence”. So a week ago this past Thursday I had a blinding migraine. I had it when I woke up but it was manageable until it got almost time for me to go for the day. I can usually tell from the beginning when a headache is going to spiral out of control into a migraine and when it’s not. I knew that morning I was headed in the migraine direction and there really isn’t much you can do about it. So when I got home, I took all my night-time medications that I take for sleep, my fibromyalgia and depression. Those meds alone are enough to knock out a horse but it didn’t even make me the least bit sleepy and did nothing to help my headache. By 7:30 I was throwing up. So I took a 50 mg Demerol tablet and waited. More throwing up ensued so I broke out the 15 mg morphine pills that the dr. had given me in that “emergency case” when I was throwing up and yet, couldn’t really get to the drs. office for a shot. These tablets you can take by mouth but when you are throwing up it’s suggested you take them rectally because not only do they work faster, but you don’t have to worry about them coming back up. So I did that and waited. More throwing up, more insomnia, more waiting. This went on all night long. By 6 a.m. the headache was gone and so was the throwing up and I was finally hungry. Problem was, there was very little to eat at the house and I didn’t really feel like cooking anything. So I woke Jr. up and told him I was going to drive into town (a mere 5 miles) and get something and asked if he wanted anything. He did but he wanted something from the Shell station and not from the Texaco where I was going. He asked if I was ok to drive since I’d been awake all night and had medications that might “alter” my senses. I assured him I was fine and he turned on the light to physically look at me to see if what I was saying was true. He confirmed I seemed to be fine so off I went.
As I was going around our town square, I was *almost* passed the turn where he wanted breakfast so I made a quick and wide right turn to head east. Problem was, there was a city cop waiting to come up onto the square. He immediately blue lighted me and turned around following me to the shell station. He pulled around and sort of ahead of me and cut me off at the gas tanks not allowing me to fully pull up into the parking spot in front of the store. He asked me to step out of the car and wanted to know “how much have you had to drink?” I said “Excuse me, its 6:30 a.m., how much have I had to drink? Are you kidding? I haven’t had anything!” He basically called me a liar and asked me to remove my eye glass as he shined his very bright light into my eyes and then away and then back into my eyes. He said “Ma’am you are lying. You are on SOMETHING! Your pupils are not reacting properly to this light and you are slurring your speech. Do you realize you almost hit me when you made that wide right turn off the square?” So I explained that I coincidentally forgot where I was going and how I wanted breakfast from one place and jr. wanted breakfast from another blah blah blah” and “oh btw, I have been up all night with a migraine. Literally, up.all.night!” He said “Did you take anything, any type of ‘pills’ for this ‘migraine’?” “Well, as a matter of fact, I did!” I told him about the Demerol but sensing that I might be in deep shit, I left off the morphine dose. He said “Well I received a call from someone who was behind you on your way to town and they said you were driving very erratically AND as I was behind you just now, you were swerving!” Ok internet, this is a lie. First of all, there was no one behind me on my way to town and I only met ONE car and I WAS on the right side of the road. Second of all, I did not swerve while there was a policeman behind me. I will admit that perhaps my eyes were glassy and maybe my pupils were a little non-reactive because migraines make you absolutely zapped when they pass and I had been up all night, throwing up in a bucket. So I again told him about the throwing up and the Demerol but that the dose was a small one and not the first time I’d taken it and how if he’d call my dr. he’d see that it’s PRESCRIBED to me and how he treats me for this and insomnia on a regular basis. The man that owns the Shell station came out to see what all the fuss was about. He noted that I didn’t seem to be slurring my speech and told the officer that he knew for a fact I suffered from both conditions mentioned and that if it would make him feel better, he would drive me back home. But the officer was having none of it. So he asked to see my license. OMG wouldn’t you know that I’ve started carrying one of those skinny wallets and while searching for my keys before I left the house, I apparently took out said skinny wallet, from my purse and left it lying on the couch. So here I am, at the mercy of this police officer that I DO NOT KNOW (which is odd considering what a small town it is and how I know everyone) and not only does he think I’m under the influence, now I don’t even have my DL with me! So I gave him my DL number and he asked me who my husband was and for his phone number so he could call him to come and get me because “There’s no way I’m letting you drive ANYWHERE and can *I* not find SOMEONE to drive you home, you WILL be going to jail for DUI!” Oh fuck are you kidding me? Seriously? I said “this man right here has just offered to drive me home, is that not good enough?” “Nope” he said, very matter of factly! It will *have* to be a member of your immediate family!” Well I knew damn good and well Jr. wasn’t going to answer because he was in the bed asleep AND his cell phone was in the kitchen! So he tried to call and Jr. didn’t answer. So I gave him the number of my in-laws who I knew would be getting ready to take Cole to school. Luckily my mother in law knew I’d been up all night with a migraine (that’s why Cole was at her house) and so my father in law dropped her off at the Shell station on his way to take Cole to school. I did finally convince the officer to at least turn off his lights so that he didn’t scare Cole to death when they drove up. A lot of talk between Shell owner, the officer and myself continued. The officer insisted my speech was slurred. When mother in law showed up, the officer made me sit in the passenger side of my car not allowing me to speak to her at all before he had the chance. In the meantime I said “May I at least go in and get my breakfast?” He said it was fine. Of course, not having my wallet meant not having any money so I had to charge my breakfast. The officer must have been satisfied with the story of my MIL matching mine because he agreed to let me go and while he claimed I was “belligerent” and all he was going to let me off with a warning. I sneered and MIL thanked him rather profusely and we drove off into the distance. She also agreed, for what it was worth, that my speech was not slurred.
So there you have it internet, I’m 38 years old and used to drink a lot in my teenage and early 20 years. But the one and only time I’m pulled over by the police for “DUI” is perhaps one of the few times I wasn’t!!!
You can’t make this shit up! You really really can’t!
Peace Peeps!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Facebook: The Addiction
If you are reading this and you do not have a Facebook account then you,my friend, are behind in the times. I’ve had a MySpace account for a couple of years now and while I do love some of the features it offers such as being able to customize your page background it’s Facebook that has become my new addiction. On MySpace I have about 30 or so friends. Some are from college, some from high school and a few that I’ve met along the way. But on Facebook I have well over 100 friends from high school, college, jobs I’ve had over the years as well as my current job AND current students at my job. It has a lot of fun applications like bumper stickers and flair but it truly is one of the most addicting things I’ve been a part of in a long time. You will find yourself checking in on FB all throughout your day to see what your friends are doing. I’m telling you, A-D-D-I-C-T-I-V-E!!! So if you don’t have a FB account, give it a whirl, it’s really fun.
So since I posted last I’ve met my friend Janet face-to-face. Janet and I met on an infertility website 10 years ago. We’ve become very close friends over the years and prior to our meeting we’ve talked on the phone a lot, we’ve emailed and most importantly, we’ve used instant messenger every single day for close to the entire 10 years. She flew into Memphis last Friday where we finally got to see each other. We spent two nights in Tunica at the casino (where I won $800!!) and we spent a night at my house. Being with her was like being with a friend I’d known my entire life. It was as if we’d known each other forever. It was wonderful to finally meet her and even more wonderful to be able to spend time with her. She’s a good egg! (Hi Janet!!!)
My husband is also convinced I’m having an affair. He’s starting therapy this week with my therapist and then we’ll meet together the week after. I love him, clearly, or I wouldn’t stay. But he’s incredibly controlling and incredibly jealous and people, it’s getting old. Very VERY old. I try to understand that he apparently has some insecurities that are unrelated to me. But the constant fussing, fighting, inquisitions etc are really beginning to get to me. We’ll continue to work together to try and fix our marriage because I believe he loves me and I do love him. But we need prayers. I need prayers. We want our marriage to work. We want it to wok not just for ourselves but for our son. Together I think we can get over whatever problems we have.
Nothing exciting going on here so not much to “blog” about. But next week I have several good student stories to tell you. I love their overwhelming sense of entitlement. They are so entertaining!
Now go sign up for Facebook RIGHT NOW!
Peace!
So since I posted last I’ve met my friend Janet face-to-face. Janet and I met on an infertility website 10 years ago. We’ve become very close friends over the years and prior to our meeting we’ve talked on the phone a lot, we’ve emailed and most importantly, we’ve used instant messenger every single day for close to the entire 10 years. She flew into Memphis last Friday where we finally got to see each other. We spent two nights in Tunica at the casino (where I won $800!!) and we spent a night at my house. Being with her was like being with a friend I’d known my entire life. It was as if we’d known each other forever. It was wonderful to finally meet her and even more wonderful to be able to spend time with her. She’s a good egg! (Hi Janet!!!)
My husband is also convinced I’m having an affair. He’s starting therapy this week with my therapist and then we’ll meet together the week after. I love him, clearly, or I wouldn’t stay. But he’s incredibly controlling and incredibly jealous and people, it’s getting old. Very VERY old. I try to understand that he apparently has some insecurities that are unrelated to me. But the constant fussing, fighting, inquisitions etc are really beginning to get to me. We’ll continue to work together to try and fix our marriage because I believe he loves me and I do love him. But we need prayers. I need prayers. We want our marriage to work. We want it to wok not just for ourselves but for our son. Together I think we can get over whatever problems we have.
Nothing exciting going on here so not much to “blog” about. But next week I have several good student stories to tell you. I love their overwhelming sense of entitlement. They are so entertaining!
Now go sign up for Facebook RIGHT NOW!
Peace!
Thursday, January 08, 2009
6 years ago tomorrow
6 years ago this past Sunday, Cole was born. It was and still is the single most wonderful day of my life. I can see it all in vivid detail in my mind. It's hard to imagine that my tall 6 year old was every 6 lbs 8 oz and a short 18 inches long. I can just remember those hours in the hospital room after his birth rubbing his head and repeating "he's so perfect!" He was. He is.
So as life changed 6 years ago and I was settling in to my new found role as mother, life was about to change in a more tragic way. January 9, 2003 is when my daddy died. Often mentioned here, it's the main reason I started blogging. I needed a way to emote all those deep feelings and try to move past it all. But here I am 6 years later, the stinging pang of that day still as fresh in my mind and as vivid as the 5 days prior when Cole was born.
Have I moved on any? Yes, I think it's safe to assume that I've done a lot of work on my emotions and I'm doing better at dealing with my grief. But, the mere fact that I have to bring it up here and write it all down is just proof that it's still a very profound and defining moment of my life. I've come to hate January. Almost as much as I hate December. And the only reason I hate December is because I know January will follow. I did better during the holidays this year. I managed to make it almost completely through the month of December without any major breakdowns. But, as fate would have it, I did have a breakdown. Actually a few breakdowns. During one such breakdown I told Jr. I wanted a divorce for Christmas. Imagine my startled surprise when his response was "Good. I happen to be going to see our attorney on Monday for something anyway. I'll get him to draw up the papers!" **gulp** He kids.
So once the steak was scrapped off the walls and the coke was soaked up out of the floor, I got over it and we got right back up on that horse and rode off into the sunset.
Here I am 6 years into motherhood. I've learned that crying over spilled milk (or coke and steak) is useless. I've figured out that you sort of make up the parenting manual as you go. 6 years into my grief I've learned that there's not time table for getting past it. Which actually tells me I'm making some progress forward.
Peace!
So as life changed 6 years ago and I was settling in to my new found role as mother, life was about to change in a more tragic way. January 9, 2003 is when my daddy died. Often mentioned here, it's the main reason I started blogging. I needed a way to emote all those deep feelings and try to move past it all. But here I am 6 years later, the stinging pang of that day still as fresh in my mind and as vivid as the 5 days prior when Cole was born.
Have I moved on any? Yes, I think it's safe to assume that I've done a lot of work on my emotions and I'm doing better at dealing with my grief. But, the mere fact that I have to bring it up here and write it all down is just proof that it's still a very profound and defining moment of my life. I've come to hate January. Almost as much as I hate December. And the only reason I hate December is because I know January will follow. I did better during the holidays this year. I managed to make it almost completely through the month of December without any major breakdowns. But, as fate would have it, I did have a breakdown. Actually a few breakdowns. During one such breakdown I told Jr. I wanted a divorce for Christmas. Imagine my startled surprise when his response was "Good. I happen to be going to see our attorney on Monday for something anyway. I'll get him to draw up the papers!" **gulp** He kids.
So once the steak was scrapped off the walls and the coke was soaked up out of the floor, I got over it and we got right back up on that horse and rode off into the sunset.
Here I am 6 years into motherhood. I've learned that crying over spilled milk (or coke and steak) is useless. I've figured out that you sort of make up the parenting manual as you go. 6 years into my grief I've learned that there's not time table for getting past it. Which actually tells me I'm making some progress forward.
Peace!
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